Jumping into the deep end

 

decisions3

 

When I returned to Louisville after being in Montana last winter, I thought I had things all figured out.  I returned to Kat and the kids and felt like I was better equipped to be with them. I continued the life coaching program I started in May. I intended to finish the book I’d started in Montana. I re-joined VOICES and looked forward to singing under our fantastic AD and going to the GALA festival in Denver this summer. I felt spiritually renewed and strong and inspired. As the months passed though, I began to struggle. I was focusing all my attention and energy outside of myself. I wasn’t meditating consistently so I lost my peaceful center. I wasn’t journaling, writing or blogging at all. I realized how unhappy I’d become by getting further away from what made me spiritually healthy. In November Kat and I came to the decision that we made better friends than partners and mutually agreed to separate. After being so certain about our relationship and my life back in the Spring, I was lost and didn’t know what to do next. Fortunately I’m in the middle of a life coaching program and have a wealth of tools from which to choose to help me in difficult life situations. I thought of one of the questions I routinely ask my coaching clients almost every session. “When have you been the happiest in your life?”

When I pondered that question, I reflected back upon my years playing my horn and teaching.  I had so much confidence in myself. I had something of value to offer and could make a career doing what I loved to do. When I lost the ability to play my horn, my whole world crumbled into a million pieces. I was completely lost.  In the years since then I have struggled to find my purpose and what to do with my life.

When I examined what has made me truly happy since then, the answer is undeniably clear.  The summer I traveled around the country writing about my adventures followed by the winter I spent in Montana have been the happiest in my life. I felt so free, so full of gratitude, so full of life.

I look at everything I do that gives me joy, whether it’s teaching kids to play the horn, working with the singers in VOICES, coaching group fitness, life coaching sessions, or writing about my own life experiences. It’s crystal clear to me that I love to teach, motivate, and inspire others. When I returned from my first adventure around the country, my friend Mark Simpson told me “Find what you love to do and find a way to make a living doing it.” Everything I’ve been studying this past year teaches that if you follow your heart and your passion, and take action, the Universe will support you in fulfilling that dream.

I recognize that I have many false, limiting beliefs about my ability to create my own success. I have doubts about my ability to make a living by traveling and writing. Although I’ve heard the stories of others who had nothing but pennies in their pocket but created their own success, I’ve always thought that those people were special – they have some innate quality or ability that I don’t possess. But that’s not true. Every single one of us has that power to create our own success. I can’t help others believe this if I don’t believe it and live it myself. In doing so, I can inspire others and give them the hope to do the same. They can follow their dream and trust the Universe to help it come true.

In the past couple of years, I’ve done some brave things. I quit my job and traveled around the country for three months.  I spent four and a half months out West in a city where I didn’t know a single person.  I’ve felt like I’ve dipped my toes into the deep end yet not really jumped all the way in. Because each time, I returned to the safety net of my familiar and comfortable friends, routine and relationship. But that safety net has prevented me from taking full responsibility for my life. Now I’m facing that responsibility straight on and taking another leap of faith. I’m moving back to Missoula, where I have been the happiest in my entire life. It feels like I’m going home.  I’m going to do what makes my heart sing and trust that if I do, the Universe will support me and opportunities will arise to help me achieve my dream. I want to travel and write and inspire others to look within and realize their true potential as I realize mine.

One of my favorite inspirational quotes is by Richard Bach. I love it and it encourages me to move forward: “You are never given a  dream without also being given the power to make it come true.”

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